Things My Roommate Says

2012-02-08T13:02:00.000-08:00

Rebecca: "My life is complete! Like I can just go ahead and die now! Not because I'm sad, but because everything I've ever wanted is complete!!"
"I'm going to play hard to get"

2011-12-15T23:33:00.000-08:00

Ashley(Me): I don't know what I ate today, but I've had like stomach cramps all day.

Rebecca: That's the best.

Om nom nom

2011-12-13T19:37:00.000-08:00

"Those chips tasted like I was eating a dead possum." -Zoe, 12/13/11

"I'd probably eat a broom if someone gave one to me."-Zoe, 12/11/11

2011-12-11T16:14:00.001-08:00

Susan: Rebecca, get out of my laundry bag!

2011-12-09T23:34:00.000-08:00

Mary: There's more than just age and beauty, Anna.

Anna: No there isn't!

2011-12-05T22:10:00.000-08:00

Rebecca to me (Ashley when I turned 20) "I can see wrinkles forming on your face, don't worry I can help you I work in a nursing home."

2011-12-04T19:36:00.000-08:00

Zoë: My life is basically a moist back.

2011-11-21T20:42:00.001-08:00

Rebecca "I have a MONSTER crotch!"

2011-11-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

Amanda talking about her sister's 21st birthday party, "My sister didn't wake up until 2 o'clock on Sunday."

Anna: "Don't worry, I can do that sober."

2011-11-20T20:34:00.000-08:00

More Rebecca:

"V-A-G-I-N-A-S! Vaginas! Go go Vaginas! Go Vaginas! I want to get married."

Susan: "Guess what I have in my notebook?

Rebecca: PENISES!

Susan: No.

Rebecca: No?! I just farted! It was quiet. It happened when I was laughing. It was like my butt was laughing with me."

"I'm gaseous all of a sudden."

"Tell Emily that it's MY vagina. Not hers. MINE."

"I was rolling over and my legs fell open. It just happened. Gravity. It's science."

"I am not a raging weirdo. I'm a raging normal."

2011-11-20T20:24:00.000-08:00

These are all Rebecca (courtesy of Susan).

Rebecca singing: "I've lost my filter. I'm like a broken air conditioner!"

Rebecca turning on a light: "Let there be light! And it was good! I am Jesus!"

"Your boobs were in the way of my face".

"A penis is like an exploded vagina".

"My name does not define my gender. My lack of penis defines my gender. My vagines says GIRL!"

"I don't mean for my legs to open. They just open!"

"Susan, can I fart?"

2011-11-20T20:08:00.000-08:00

Rebecca: "You know what they say about big feet? Big Shoes."

Rebecca: "Stick this in the hole. Penispenispenis."

Rebecca: "4 day weekend, 4 day weekend, we're going to go streaking in the Arb! Nakednakednakednaked BOOB!"

Ashley: "I'M THRUSTING MY VAGINA AT THE WINDOW!!"

I can explain that ^ it's not what you think.

Rebecca:"I can get fat and buy new clothes! Or I could get skinny, but that would take a lot more effort."

A special thanks to Susan for having these beauties (and several more) saved on her computer. :) More quotes by Rebecca (when her filter goes) will be up soon.

2011-11-15T20:14:00.001-08:00

Susan: Everyone there started talking about poop and I was like "these are my people!"

2011-11-15T06:51:00.001-08:00

Darcy: I really don't like children. They always have jam on their hands, even if there isn't any jam!

Susan: If you have to tell yourself you're normal, then you probably aren't.

2011-11-12T12:25:00.000-08:00

Ashley: I'm 1/64th African American.

Rebecca: That doesn't really count...

Ashley: Yes it does! I'm a MINORITY!

2011-11-08T20:21:00.001-08:00

Ashley: I'm going to read you this sonnet the same way that I wrote it: standing on my ottoman!

32

2011-10-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

Darcy: "I thought there was a bar under the chair and I was going to put my foot on it but then there wasn't a bar so I just put my foot on your foot!" Zoe: "Yeaaaah..."

31

2011-10-13T17:12:00.000-07:00

"Why did I touch it?! It just looked so deformed that I wanted to touch it!" -Zoe

30.

2011-10-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

Rebecca, after blowing air through her lips to make them rumble (like a raspberry but just in the air) "Just call me Rebecca the horse! Actually wait don't call me that" A few minutes later: "Straight from the horses mouth!"

Rebecca: "I'm going to eat a peanut butter granola bar because peanut butter to me is like the nectar of the GODS! I really like peanut butter sometimes I just eat it. I'm going to go walk in the hallway."

29.

2011-09-23T14:37:00.000-07:00

Rebecca: "I don't need sleep! That's for the weak ..and the well-rested and the happy, but that's beside the point."

Rebecca: After she just finished counting her underwear: "Underwear is my weakness. You walk into a store and want something new. They don't have very cute shirts and their pants are kind of expensive. So I go to the underwear. They always have cute underwear and you need them! People wear underwear everyday but I don't wear pants everyday!"
"I'm going to go tell everybody I have 57 pairs of underwear!"

Lenny: "I need to stop eating everything I see."

28. A New Year.

2011-09-12T07:35:00.001-07:00

Well, as many are aware, I am now living with Big Z. Thusly I have taken it upon myself to record her continuing craziness (as well as others') here on this blog that Darcy used to update most frequently.

And so it begins.

"If I ever get married, I'm never doing my husband's laundry." -Big Z

"God, Texas is fucking huge state!" -Big Z

-"Want to share this chair with me?" -Anna
-"No, it's really hard to share upholstered chairs." -Ashley

27

2011-05-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

Bethany: Something along the lines of... "Sometimes I eat chocolate as a reward for studying."
Darcy: "Yeah, I do that with bathroom breaks. I say to myself, 'If I read 50 pages, then I can go pee.'"

26

2011-05-22T10:25:00.001-07:00

Emily: "Do you guys know what that horn is for? Other than to signal that the rapture is here?"

Anna: "If you want to have deep conversations, just get me up in a tree."

Anna: "He's like a completely different person without his clothes on!"

Zoe: "We should domesticate the squirrels, breed them, and then sell them in the bookmark!"

25

2011-05-17T21:54:00.001-07:00

Zoe (as a man): "Shitfuck! I dropped my jerky on the floor! It's like dropping my manhood!"

24th

2011-05-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

Zoe (as a man): "I have glorious balls... except when they stick to my leg... shitfuck."

Rebecca: "I'm not actually having anal sex."

23

2011-05-15T12:07:00.001-07:00

Zoe: "Your wall looks so weird..."
Darcy: "Well, I guess I'll just knock the wall down!"
Zoe: "No! Then everyone would see us when we are naked!"
Darcy: (Laughs)
Zoe: "Well.... they would...."

22

2011-05-09T20:35:00.001-07:00

Darcy: "I don't believe in babies. Especially not moustache babies with shoes on."

21st

2011-05-09T18:23:00.000-07:00

Rebecca: "Yours is more penis-y than mine. You stick it in a hole?"

Zoe: "We should go on a wild road trip across the country, liberating garden gnomes."

Ashley: "Sleep deprivation is like this: I had a plant and it wilted when I didn't water it. Like sleep deprivation. Then I watered it too much. And then it died. But I didn't die!!"

20

2011-05-08T19:12:00.000-07:00

Anna: "He sat right next to me! He smells like children! Like, that sticky smell. Like a child." Zoe: (eating a fruit strip) "Like this?" Anna: "Yeah, but not fruity. Just the sticky."

19th

2011-05-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

Darcy: (sneezes)
Zoe: "Bless you."
Darcy: "Thanks, I appreciate your blessing"
Zoe: "Yeah, I'm basically a priest."

18

2011-05-03T12:57:00.000-07:00

Zoe: "Choking on cheeseballs is not really the way I want to go."

17

2011-05-01T20:05:00.001-07:00

Zoe (regarding Osama Bin Laden's death): "I bet George Bush pooped his pants with joy!"

post 16

2011-05-01T18:17:00.000-07:00

Zoe: "I want to play games with (insert name of hot guy) at night!"

15th

2011-04-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

Anna: "I like your grandma"
Darcy: "Well... she died"
Rebecca: "Grandmas do that sometimes."

14

2011-04-26T20:07:00.000-07:00

Zoe: "Excuse me, why don't you eat your spinach instead of your girlfriend?"

Lucky Numba 13

2011-04-19T21:02:00.000-07:00

Ashley: "I drew a really good tree once."

Zoe: "Anthropology is good if you enjoy banging your head against the table."

12th post

2011-04-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

Joycelyn, in the car, dancing gangsta while sitting: "When I came to America I was not this ghetto!"

11th Post

2011-04-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

Zoe (on the phone with her mom): "Do you wanna know the last time I washed my towels, Mom? ... January. I know it's gross! I don't get blood on my towels, Mom! I know it's gross! I feel disgusting every time I take a shower. That's not supposed to happen. You keep saying it's disgusting... I haven't cleaned my sheets either.... I know! Ok, I will. I'll call you when I've washed them so you'll touch me again. Ok... bye..."

10

2011-04-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

Zoe (on the phone with her mom): Maybe that's what I'll do when I grow up... be a Zorse breeder. ...I'll hire someone to pick up the poop."

Post 9

2011-04-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

Zoe: "I'll have an illustrious summer affair with a locksmith and he'll make us keys. So we can
get into each other's buildings. Does anyone know any attractive locksmiths?"

Zoe: "Shit you hit my junk! Those are sensitive goods!"

Zoe: "Bring back a baby eagle, bitch! I want it! We could keep it in our room and use it to
send messages."

Zoe: "I am a warm, dry dingbat!"

Post 8

2011-04-11T20:54:00.000-07:00

Zoe: "What? You're making fun of me because I wore diapers and thought I had an immaculate conception!?"

Ashley: "Mmmmm.... tastes like my grandma." (Talking about Fig Newtons)

7th Post

2011-04-11T19:16:00.001-07:00

Zoe: "I would not poop on a couch! That's disgusting! What kind of person do you think I am?!"

Post 6

2011-04-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

Joycelyn, talking about wasting phone minutes: "See? This is why I don't use my minutes! I save them for an emergency, like when I'm stuck in the bathroom and there is no toilet paper!"

The 5th Post

2011-04-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

“I thought those were cats, but they’re definitely just plastic bags.” –Anna

“There is a tree directly behind you.” –Darcy in her sleep

“Forks are overrated. Eating lettuce with my fingers makes me feel closer to nature, like I just pulled it off a tree.” –Zoe

“I moved quickly through the ice, and now I am here!” –Zoe

“I should just live in the wilderness and eat leaves off of trees, like a giraffe.” –Zoe

“That beast is fuckin scary!” –Darcy

“There’s not enough boys” –Darcy in her sleep

“Wouldn’t it be funny if we hit a deer?” –Zoe, past midnight on drive back to dorm

“I wanna be old, but I’m afraid it’s a scam.” –Big Z

“I’m tired. I’ll do anything when I’m tired.” –Big Z

“I’m going to touch your hair; there is something in it. … It was a spider.” –lady behind Zoe at nobel

“That has numbers in it!! I can’t comprehend that!!” –Ashley, talking about how many days are left until Christmas

“I wasn’t saying that your boobs are disproportionate, I was just saying that if I was a man I would probably be a sick bastard and just stare at your boobs.” –Zoe to Darcy

The Fourth Post

2011-04-08T15:04:00.001-07:00

Zoe: "I just want to make a bunch of waffles and put them on my legs... and then eat them"

Zoe: "Is that an angel? Blowing a trumpet on your cup?" Darcy: "Uh... no. It's a jazz cup."

The third post

2011-04-08T12:15:00.000-07:00

Zoe: (In singsong voice) "There's an imaginary person here, but you can see their boobies popping out!"

The Second Post

2011-04-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

Special thanks to Susan for having a Zoe quote saved on her computer.

Zoe: "If you didn't know what this was, would you touch this?"

The First Post

2011-04-07T19:17:00.001-07:00

Today, Our Nighttime Caf adventure:
Zoe: "I'm a modest gangster!"

Zoe: (sneezes) "OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO PEE"

Zoe: "With Zesty chips comes great responsibility"

Yesterday:
Zoe:"All we need is a 50's housewife to clean our shithole!"

Zoe: "It was awkward and sticky all over my face!"

Me: "I just want to eat these chords for breakfast! Zoe: "Or drink them like an iced coffee!"

Tuesday:
Zoe's thoughts on pay day: "It used to be like, oh, I'm another month older, I'm going to die soon, but now it's like oh, money, I like money."

Sunday:
Me: "I can definitely see your ass right now" Zoe: "Enjoy it, Enjoy it!"